10 September 2006

Was It a Bride Kidnapping?

I've read a few hyper comments in the last few days saying that Jill Metzger must have been kidnapped in a bride kidnapping since it's so common in Kyrgyzstan.

No way. Bride kidnapping is a Kyrgyz tradition, not something that happens in Kyrgyzstan. Someone who is not Kyrgyz is not going to get kidnapped. Major Metzger was very clearly not Kyrgyz.

When a girl is kidnapped, the point is to let her parents know and get married quickly. Even if the girl doesn't know her kidnapper, it's most likely that she is not going to just disappear like Major Metzger did- there's not going to be a wedding if you do that.

Bride kidnappings usually aren't very sophisticated either, as this case clearly was. It's a lot more common to trick the girl into getting into a car, or simply grabbing her and running. You don't plant a fake bomb in her pocket.

Bride kidnapping is unquestionably an issue in Kyrgyzstan, but it doesn't have anything to do with this case.


  1. I'm calling BS. She pulled a Jennifer Wilbanks, no doubt about it.

  2. I'm calling BS, as well. That was my first thought "no way." I wonder what's really up with her?

  3. Yep the whole thing seemed weird from the minute I heard about it on Tuesday afternoon. Still, I'm just glad she's back safely. And I really hope they're not keeping everyone on base anymore. They had enough trouble getting off base as it was.

  4. There's no such thing as Bigfoot.

    Jill Metzger went out for shopping. Unfortunately for her, she met Bigfoot and he abducted her. Or so she claimed.

    USAF OSI agents organized a search&rescue operation to find her, but, alas, with no success. She was found by herself a few days later.

    When reporters tried to ask her questions about her ordeal, her response was:
    "I came to my senses in a cave. I could hear a stream nearby and there were rays of light coming down on me from a hole in the ceiling. Borat - that's how I called the creature afterwards - was sitting opposite me. He was baring his teeth, as if he was infuriated. I realized later that it was just his smile. The hairy animal came up to me and started sniffing my clothes. Then he roared and tore my clothes to pieces. My heart was about to explode with horror, but he continued sniffing me until his nose stopped near my groin. He roared again and threw himself over me."

    When Jill woke up the next morning, she realized that she had become the prisoner and the wife of the hairy creature. When Borat was going out, he would cover the entrance to the cave with a big stone, leaving no way for the Jill to escape. Borat would always bring something to eat - berries, nuts, mushrooms, eggs or raw meat. The terrible sex with the animal became a daily torture for Jill. However, the 'beauty and the beast' started developing a relationship. Borat showed interest in the girl's CD player. Jill had only one CD with her - best hits of the Michael Jackson.

    One day, before leaving, Borat covered the entrance to the cave with the stone as usual, but did not notice a small gap that the stone left. It took a great effort for Jill to sneak outside, but when she finally succeeded to get out of the cave, she started running without making a stop. When she saw people in the Kant town, she finally realized that she was free.

    "Her parents took Jill to our hospital, - Dr. Dolittle said. - The girl was mental; all I could hear from her was that she had been married to a Bigfoot for a year. She never managed to get used to home conditions. She was afraid of going out even during the day, she was terribly afraid of the dark. In addition, Jill could not eat normal food," the doctor said. One day Jill started recovering very fast both mentally and physically. She started eating, talking and even laughing. When doctors told her that she was getting better, Jill laughed and said that she had never been sick. She added that "he" knew where she was and that "he" would come to rescue her. Doctors considered such behavior the new stage of Jill's illness and decided to isolate her in a special room. However, the USAF major disappeared from her ward at night in the middle of November. Someone very strong pulled steel bars out of the brick wall and signed the wall with autograph “Here was Borat.”