I have a very difficult time with people who preface intolerant, ignorant, or plain rude statements about others with, "I know we're not supposed to judge, but..."
This also goes along with the lovely statement, "He's not a member, but he still takes good care of his family/goes to church/prays/etc."
Is this not something we were supposed to learn not to do in Kindergarten? You really can tell very little about a person by their clothing, their religion, their house, or their car. If your neighbor has four piercings in his face, you don't need to fear for the safety of your children. A black son-in-law will not corrupt your family. A Palestinian is not more likely hurt you than a Norwegian. Europeans are not necessarily morally "loose." Pakistanis aren't necessarily worse renters than anyone else. A person with an accent who calls about renting an apartment is not necessarily unable to keep up on his rent. A person living in Trenton who has nice shoes did not necessarily steal them, nor are they certainly a drug dealer. Living in Bishkek is not necessarily more dangerous than living in Los Angeles. Simply being a member of the LDS Church does not make you a good person.
These are all things I've heard people say, usually prefaced with the "we're not supposed to judge" thing. Why do we do it?
Of course, I'm judging the people who say those kinds of things, aren't I? But it's a righteous judgment, so it's okay. ;)
4 comments:
I do have a problem with those who judge people for things they can't change: the color of the skin, their nationality, their accents.
But when it comes to judging people on the basis of appearance choices (piercings, facial hair)? Not so much. While I try not to react with revulsion to someone with a peirced tongue or eyebrow, I often do. I also realize that my husband is judged at church because of his facial hair.
But these are choices on the part of those people, things they could change. Is it as wrong to judge the intentions of those people? I don't agree with the way the church judges my husband for his beard, but I do understand it.
Ha! Great post, that's funny. And, something we've all heard (which is also also a little sad).
Thanks, Laura.
Melissa, I certainly see where you're coming from, and I agree that it can be harder not to judge people who choose to look pretty weird, or even just a little different.
But I do think it's as wrong to judge their intentions, because we don't know what their intentions are.
But I don't think that people who choose to look completely different should complain that they are judged by what they wear or how they look. Clothes and appearance do mean things to other people. They may send a message you don't want to send.
It's a fine line though. I want to teach my children not to be judgemental, but also teach them their appearance makes a huge statement as to the kind of person they are?
It is a fine line -- but I'm not sure you can have it both ways. I went through a phase where I essentially said that people need to like me for me and not for the way I look (I was a teenager). Which is understandable. Granted, I didn't look nearly as scary as I could. I think what people don't really realize is that you can be individualistic without being scary.
At least that's what Clinton and Stacy on TLC's What Not To Wear say. They're right, though. You can have a personal style, a personal way of dressing and being, without being off-putting to the majority of people. I think that's what I want to teach my girls. That, and if they want to be treated like people and not objects, they better dress like people and not objects.
You're right about not knowing intentions. What if the piercings are religous?
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