Bride Kidnapping, Again

I think this article, like so many about bride kidnapping, is well-intentioned but misses the point.  And so does the law that was voted down.

Mullahs already aren't supposed to be performing the nikaah without proof of a state marriage; doing so can result in a fine.  This was largely put into place to protect women's property rights since a state marriage is necessary to legally protect her.  This is very important.

But in practice, that law doesn't seem to have made much of a difference.  It's easy to simply have the groom or a family member pay a fee to the mullah that's equal to the fine, in case there is a problem for the mullah.  It's also not always practical to get a state marriage because in rural areas, the state offices aren't open often, or couples may have to travel a long distance to get the marriage done.  Since the nikaah is a community-sanctioned form of marriage, then why should we expect couples to bother with the state marriage just because of a fine? 

The article quotes Munara Beknazarova saying:

Munara Beknazarova of Open Line, a Bishkek-based NGO that offers support to bride-kidnapping victims, said many village mullahs are aware that abducting a bride is “against Islamic principles,” but still bless marriages if the bride says she has consented to the union. “By the time the mullah arrives, [the bride] has often been physically intimidated, occasionally raped, and threatened with social exclusion,” said Beknazarova. “Of course she consents.”

Yes. But honestly, how would this law solve that problem? It's not like getting a state marriage means that the marriage was completely consensual.  It just means they took a little more time to get the paperwork done.  Kidnappings by their very nature are hasty affairs, whether they're consensual or not.  Having the nikaah done first does not necessarily mean the marriage shouldn't have happened.

The law would help solve this problem though (although, as I mentioned above, it's easy to get around):

Beknazarova maintained that an unregistered union denies a woman, and, ultimately, her children, of her civil rights because she has no legal right to alimony or protection if she leaves an unofficial marriage. This helps cement the practice of bride kidnapping as normal in rural Kyrgyzstan.

I do think it's not unreasonable that more laws are passed trying to curtail bride kidnapping, but NGOs should be aware they are probably going to be largely symbolic.  I think laws can contribute to the solution, but that's not where the major changes in bride kidnapping is going to happen.  

Pinch of Turmeric, Squeeze of Lime

Looking forward to this.

Reasons to Like Winter

Or, possibly, keeping a stiff upper lip.  But it's nowhere near as stiff as I have to keep it in the summer.

1. No flies

2. No mosquitoes

3. If it's too hot in the apartment, I can fix it by opening a window

4. No smells.  Bishkek really doesn't smell bad, especially in comparison to Middle Eastern cities I've been in, but there are a few places where you don't mind not being able to smell anything.

5. Soup and other hot foods.  It's so nice to enjoy them.

6. No dust

7. I don't have to drive in the snow

Honestly, the first three make up for everything that's not so nice about winter.

Sometimes I Miss Living in Tokmok

I liked being outside so much there in our own private space.  And I had to be outside a lot, to get water, or to go to the kitchen.  Yesterday I had a lot of windows open (there's usually 2 open, but yesterday I needed 4) and it smelled like Tokmok.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing that coal smoke makes me nostalgic, but that's okay.

I also liked being able to walk in the road instead of on the sidewalks.  Since yesterday was a 4-window day, the sidewalks melted a little.  Today is not a four-window day and now the sidewalks are sheets of ice in many places instead of packed snow.  Packed snow is much easier to walk on.  I haven't fallen yet today, but I don't expect I can make it through the entire day without a fall. 

Also, it was always easy to find jusay in the bazaar.  Couldn't find any today in Bishkek.

The Eating's a Lot Better This Time

I didn't do that great of a job with cooking when we lived here before.  There were lots of contributing reasons, but the main reason was that I had a four-year-old and a six-year-old.  That meant that, in addition to carrying all our food home, I also had to get said four- and six-year-old to the store and back.  Every single time.  So I didn't range very far in my shopping.  I went to the little bazaar down the street which was pretty sparce in the winter (just cabbage, potatoes, radishes, and carrots), and to the Narodniy a few blocks away because it was simple, although limited.

But it's so different this time around being able to get out and buy more things.  I still don't choose to run all over town trying to find certain American (or at least uncommon in Kyrgyzstan) ingredients, but I have a much wider variety of ingredients available to work with.  It also helps that we're nearly two years out from the last revolution instead of a few months; it also seems that stores came back much more quickly in 2010 than 2005 anyway.

The picky eater child isn't necessarily any happier than last time (although he's no more annoyed than he would be in the US), but the rest of us are a lot happier with dinner now.

TCKs

It's always funny and interesting to hear what little children say when they're imagining things, especially when they're pretending about real life.  The four-year-old today was saying he was going to the store to buy milk, which in my brain meant going to QFC or something like that and getting a few gallons of milk, because that's how I'm used to buying milk.

But, of course, he was thinking of going to Narodniy and buying a few bags of milk, and he was concerned because one of the bags was leaking when he got home.  Normal (but at least it doesn't happen every time).

My older two boys who would generally rather be in the US, although they like our specific situation in Bishkek, have noticed the difference too.  It's amazing to them that their little brother doesn't remember the US and thinks Tokmok and Bishkek are the normal place to live.  They don't remember that they were the same way nearly seven years ago after living in Bishkek for a year, and they don't see the ways living overseas has changed them.  But at least they can see a little of it in their brother.

Spinning Again

I hauled my spindle, lots of wool, and my backstrap loom all the way here and, after a year of sitting in closets, I finally pulled it out.  Wouldn't want to have something I brought all the way here never get used.  I'm still deciding what I'll do, but I need to create something.  Writing alone isn't doing enough for me.

History of Joseph Smith by His Mother

This is one of those books I'd been meaning to read forever, and had read bits of since it's so often referred to in other sources.  So I finally did, since it came free with an app I downloaded (which also makes it the first book I've read all the way through on the iPad).  I enjoyed it very much, even though it was a bit uneven at times, at least whether it's actually about Joseph Smith or the Smith family.  Joseph is the focus in the first half to 2/3rds of the book, but then he's hardly mentioned.

That last part really emphasizes how hard the Smiths had it.  So many family members dying.

Snowy Sidewalks

The sidewalks are covered with snow and ice right now, like usual for this time of the year.  They got pretty slushy, which is worse than ice-covered in my opinion, the last day or two, but it's colder and snowier today.

Last winter seemed pretty slushy, and the other winter I've lived here was the normal cold winter when everything was covered by December, and didn't get slushy till spring.  I like to see people pulling their sleds on the sidewalks when it's cold; what you don't want is slush and muck.


But there's something new this winter we didn't notice 6 years ago.  Most everywhere I've walked there's been a little path on on side of the sidewalk that's nearly cleared of snow and ice.  It's not wide enough for two people, so you can't always stay on it, but it makes it so much easier to walk.  I don't know if it's a city thing, but it seems to be because it's not in just one part of town.


I saw someone working on it once.  The had a tool that broke up the ice, then the chunks can be shoveled or swept into the gutter.  I am so glad they're doing it since I'm out walking for at least an hour and a half 5 days a week.

Substitute That

If you can't find peanut butter very easily, it's nice that tahina is a good substitute.  The oldest (not surprisingly) isn't convinced that a tahina and raspberry jam sandwich would taste very good, but the rest of us like it.  And I can always find tahina.  Maybe I'll have to try tahina chocolate chip cookies.  Except it would be with chocolate chips, but chunks of the dark chocolate that you can find here now.

The King's Speech

Yes, I wrote about this not too long ago, but that was the book.  We stumbled on the DVD in English at the pirated video place (actually, there is only one place we've found where the DVDS aren't pirated, and even some of what we've bought there seems a little dicey- so pirated it is, a lot of the time) and watched it.  We both loved it.  Or I loved it, and my husband enjoyed it.  I'm not sure he ever really loves a movie.  Anyway.


When it came out a year ago a lot of people talked its R rating in the US.  It wasn't rated the equivalent in the UK or Canada. Personally, I don't see all that many movies, and don't see R-rated movies because there's always something else with a lower rating we haven't seen yet.  But this wasn't an R-rated movie in my opinion, at least not in spirit.


Any expletive in English is likely to be a completely innocuous word in another language.  There are also plenty of English words that make you sound like you're swearing in another language.  But obviously, you're not in either situation.  The intent and context matters at least as much as the sounds coming out of your mouth and that's what should determine whether a movie is rated R or not. 



Yes, this film has the required number of expletives that technically require an R rating.  But if context and intent matter in speech, then those words weren't expletives when they were said. 


Also, it's easy to skip the technically R-rated parts if you're worried about it.  It's an uplifting and interesting movie that's well worth watching.

Fast Offerings

Mormonism has lots of unique ideas, or doctrines or principles or practices that while not necessarily completely unique, are at least unusual or unexpected.  One of my favorite of those is the fast offering.

We generally fast once a month, skipping two meals, usually on the first weekend of the month. Then we're encouraged to take the money not spent on those two meals and donate it, usually through the fast offering program of the church, although it doesn't have to go there.  The money is used to help both Mormons and people who aren't Mormons.  I have personally seen a very large amount go to a woman who, while technically on the records of the church, doesn't consider herself a Mormon; my family received food once through this program.  It's a simple, efficient, and brilliant way to help people in need. 


I also really enjoy the testimony meetings we have on the Sundays we are fasting.  We don't have a pastor who preaches every Sunday; instead, we all take turns speaking (in my family, that means we all speak about once a month, down to the four-year-old).  But on Fast Sunday, anyone can come to the microphone and bear her testimony.  Keeps things interesting, certainly, but it also helps keep things authentic too.  It's another way Mormons have to support each other.

On Prophets

Really liked Jana's take on prophets.  This comes from an interview at Mormon Stories, but I got the transcription here.

Jana: "...If the Book of Abraham is not a divine translation of this ancient document, if it is in fact an ordinary funerary document that Joseph Smith completely expanded, embellished, elaborated on or if you are looking at a more cynical view, just simply lied about, then what do we do with the rest of our faith?


"Well, let’s step back first of all and think about how important is the Book of Abraham to the Mormon faith in general?  I don’t think it’s terrifically important, but that’s just me.  But we need to have a tradition of midrash.  We need to have a tradition where we can look at a prophet in the way that Jews have looked at prophets of old and say, ‘this is a midrash’ on a revelation, or this is a midrash on an earlier work of scripture."

John: “What does that word mean?”

Jana: "Midrash, well it’s basically any expanded teaching.  I don’t know what the exact definition would be, but an expanded teaching is something where in midrashim, you are taking a core text and then thinking about it cosmically, you’re thinking about it theologically, and you could look at, for example, the entire Pearl of Great Price as a midrash. You have Moses as a midrash on Genesis, right?  If you think about it in those terms, the literal nature of it is less important than what the book is trying to teach us about who we are as children of God.  I think that is where we need to be looking, and I frankly don’t give a hoot about some of the arguments about historicity, DNA, the more troubling avenues is of course Joseph Smith, the more troubling aspect is not the scripture itself, but what Joseph Smith said about and whether he can then be relied upon as a prophet of God.  Based on my work on the Hebrew Bible, I would say yeah.  Have you looked at those guys lately?

"I mean we have this completely ridiculous idea of what a prophet is supposed to be.  No human being can measure up to that and there’s certainly no biblical example that does, and yet we conveniently forget about it. We come up with these stupid Gospel Doctrine lessons that encourage us to look at people in the Old Testament as if they were perfect and they we look at our own leaders to be perfect as well, and when they aren’t, well we leave."

Mail. To Our House.

Mail was just delivered to the apartment.  In two years of living in Kyrgyzstan, that has never happened.

We would get notices when we had mail in Tokmok, and then we'd pick it up at the post office (still do, since sending things to Tokmok has been more reliable and cheaper than sending things to Bishkek).  But before 5 minutes ago we had never received anything that was sent to a home address in Bishkek (not for lack of my mother trying).

Republicans and Democrats, or What Became Glaringly Clear (Again) in South Carolina

Huge generalization here, but this is one major reason why I'm not a Republican and haven't been for nearly 10 years.  I'm not a Democrat either, but if I had to pick one party, I'd be a Democrat.


Too many Republicans make it a virtue to vote for someone like them.  That's one reason why Sarah Palin was popular at first- lots of women liked her because she was a mom like them even though she would have been totally incompetent at running a country, and why Mitt Romney had a rough time in North Carolina yesterday.  Conservative Christians who make up a significant part of the Republican party base won't touch Romney.

Democrats make it a virtue to vote for someone not like them.  There is no way there could be a Republican candidate like Obama, not with his supposed ties to Islam and his ethnic background.  But since he's a Democrat, it's not a problem, or maybe even an advantage. Have you ever heard anyone care at all that Harry Reid is a Mormon?

In both cases, a candidate's religious, cultural, and ethnic background matter.  Those aren't necessarily good things to base a vote on.  But since that is something lots of people base their votes on, I'd rather go with the party who votes for diversity instead of someone just like me.

Walking by the Mosque

I spend a lot of time in the afternoons walking between our house and the boys' after-school activities which means I get to walk by the Central Mosque often.  Bishkek often feels really Soviet, but I love walking by the mosque because it doesn't feel quite so Soviet right there.

Friday afternoons are obviously the best time to go, when people are gathering to pray and listen to the  sermon.  When I go by the first time, the muezzin is chanting (the best time), and when I walk by later, it's usually the sermon.  If I'm a little later than usual, there are people running toward the mosque so they won't miss the prayer, but usually I see people walking there with rungs tucked under their arms.  I saw someone with a tushuk under his arm today instead.

The Day that Never Was

A year ago January 18th pretty much disappeared on the airplane.  We left Seattle on the 17th and arrived in Tokmok on the 19th.  I always think it's weird to have a day disappear like that (an entire day!).  But then you get it back sometime when you fly west because you can leave early in the morning and get back to the western US late that evening.  Longest day ever.

Anyway.  We spent most of that shortened day in the air between Los Angeles and Moscow, and in the Moscow airport.  Not my favorite airport, but Aeroflot did impress, although that was helped by our low expectations. 


The hardest part about flying here is getting as far as Moscow, which is at least as far or farther than your overseas friends in Europe and the Middle East and then have to wait for 5 hours for another flight that takes 4-5 hours.  And that flight *always* gets into Bishkek in the small hours of the morning.  Last year we tacked on a 90-minute drive to Tokmok at the end of the too.



So glad I am not on an airplane today.

Snow Plows

Just missed getting a photo, but there were snow plows on the street today.  I didn't even know that was possible.

The four-year-old was impressed.  Except for the winter he was born, he's lived in Seattle and Kyrgyzstan.  Snow plows haven't exactly been in his vocabulary.

The King's Speech

This is about the book, not the movie.  Not that I knew there was a book before a few days ago, but still.  I was glad to discover and read it since everyone raves about the movie and I haven't been able to see it.

Anyway, I liked the book.  I suspect it was more about Lionel Logue than the movie was, and I liked that his son wrote it.  The pacing was a little uneven though, and sometimes it felt like they were just trying to get it published so the timing would match the movie.  I'd also have liked to read more about Logue's methods which his son said he found in the journals.  But overall, I liked it.

More Censorship

I know this is becoming a perpetual theme here, but I really wish I could access the websites I want to when I want to.  There is no good reason to block every.single blogspot blog out there.  There are always ways to get around blocked sites (and I use them when I need to) anyway.  And what's up with being able to post of a blog, but not access it?  I guess it's less worrisome to spread discontent than to read it.

However, one of the ways I get around that is using Google Reader.  But it doesn't work when people don't have their full post there.  I know you like to have people click through to your site, but since I can't do that, I'd really like to be able to read what you wrote at all.

I also think it's funny that the spell check think blogspot is spelled wrong.